Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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