Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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