Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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