someone get that fucking seahorse.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
