Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
