He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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