I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
