need another drink. this is the easiest way
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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