I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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