is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
