Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When are your genitals available?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
