I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
