Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
