Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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