So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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