Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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