are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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