Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
