Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
