Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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