I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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