do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
