I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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