And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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