While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
