Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
