He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
