by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
