I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
