It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
