Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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