i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
