well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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