Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
