I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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