how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you win again, gameday.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
