do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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