It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
