How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
