I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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