i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
