I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
