so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
