Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
