Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
