You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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