fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
