That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Also, beer. Big fan.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
