you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
