I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
