It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
