party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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