Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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