I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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